Heart Surgery to State Champion

In Honor of Heart Awareness Month my brother Jakob Owens put together a short documentary about my recovery from my 1st Heart Surgery to two years later winning a basketball state championship.

My goal is not to inspire, but rather encourage. I don’t think of myself as an inspiration. I struggle everyday with this disease. It’s hard to put into words the effect it has psychologically. Until you are in that hospital bed, its something you can never grasp. The trauma, the things that have happened inside those white walls never leave me. I just share my thoughts and journey in hopes it can touch others who are hurting. To provide a sense of clarity for those who are confused and lonely in the journey. You are not alone. I’ve had plenty of doctors tell me things I can’t do. I didn’t listen. I chose to live the way I wanted. I can live with the consequences, even if it involves death, I can’t live knowing I gave in, never taking risks, or following the burning desires of my heart. This video can’t even begin to explain my true feelings, but maybe its a start, and sometimes thats all we need. To simply start. Thanks for all love

Emotional Scars of Open Heart Surgery

Can we please discuss more about the emotional scars of open heart surgery. Yes, the physical nature of open heart is extreme and needs to be taken seriously. However, if we take the right steps, physically must of us recover and return to the things we were able to do before, or even exceed our previous ability. Time will heal your physical wounds, but emotionally and psychologically you will never be the same. Your surgeon can’t and won’t explain the emotional side of it. It’s not their job, they haven’t experienced it, and they don’t understand. Their job is to fix your broken heart and send you on your way. Although your heart is now repaired, another hole opens up. Your life is flipped upside down. 

Things that you thought were once so important hold little weight. Once you wake up from surgery the most important thing becomes breath. Now all that matters is survival. All other worries go out the window, health becomes everything. Without breath, without health, their is no life. In those first couple days in the hospital it hits you, life will never be the same. Everything you thought you once knew about life has changed. Laying in that hospital bed gives you a lot of time to be alone with your mind. Theres not much else you can do but stare at the wall and think. Over the next few months, you physically won’t be able to do much of anything. This time gives you a lot of time to think about life in probably the most organic form possible. What is life without death? Death makes life meaningful. You can’t appreciate life without death. Its like good and evil. If everything in life was good, how could you appreciate the good? You can’t know that something is good without the presence of evil. Just like you can’t know how precious life is, without the presence of death.

Open heart surgery breaks your armor, allowing you to grasp life in it’s purest form. You value all the little things after you go through the suffering that open heart surgery may bring along with it. However, it’s important to note, appreciation doesn’t mean happiness. Robin Williams months after heart surgery said this on Ellen, “You appreciate the little things like breathing.” Yes, you feel reborn, you were given a second chance at life. Everything seems more beautiful, moments seems more meaningful, loved ones are cherished more. However, when everything settles down you are still left with all the trauma that open heart brings. The person you were before the surgery is gone. You are awakened to a new life. How will you live it?